🤨 Is it really clever, though?

Read time: 2.5 minutes

There I was…

About 6 years ago…

Trying to write a headline for my portfolio homepage.

I knew headlines were difficult to write…

But this one was taking me — F O R E V E R !

I was updating my website copy and trying to get more freelance design clients.

I wanted them to read my headline and say: “Holy pomegranates! I need to hire this guy to design my brand immediately!”

…or something like that.

I wrote a bunch using idioms, alliteration, rhymes, and non-obvious word choices to catch their attention and pique interest.

Eventually, I was writing some great lines one after another!

Or so I thought… 🤨

I asked a few good friends for feedback on what I’d written.

And it was THEN I learned the mistake I was making.

Here’s what I’d hoped they would say:

→ “Cool, I like that!”→ “Wow, that’s great!”→ “Fuckin’ shit, are you the next Shakespeare, dude?!”

But the feedback I got was more like:

→ “Hmm… it’s kinda’ weak.”→ “Do you think people will get it?”→ “C’mon guy… a monkey could write better than this!”

(I’m paraphrasing, of course.)

To sum it up, they were confused and unimpressed.

Why?

What I learned is...

While trying to be clever, I was sacrificing clarity.

💥BOOM 💥

From that day forward, my copywriting changed.

When I wrote something, I would consistently be assessing its clarity.

...and I would ask for feedback more often.

Sure, I still throw around a little humour — that’s part of my voice.

But as I write more and more, I keep learning the same lesson…

→ Clear wins over clever every time.

What’s the headline I ended up with?

After a fair amount of rewording over a week or so, I finally landed on a headline for my portfolio site:

Hi, my name is Robert. I help entrepreneurs build lasting brands that attract their ideal customers — strategic brand design with a hassle-free process.

It’s straight-forward and easy to understand.

It’s also friendly and approachable because that’s the kind of person I am.

Now, let's get some to some practical tips...

3 quick tips for writing better headlines

1. Understand your audience.

Research them. Engage with them. Listen to them.

Learn how they speak, so you can use the same words they do.

Your followers will also help you identify any confusion in your writing.

Don’t spend too much time on demographics (age, location, marital status, number of children, and income level).

Instead, focus on the psychographics (characteristics, attitudes, values, interests, aspirations, and desired lifestyles).

2. Keep it simple and concise.

Simplify, simplify, simplify.

Remove any unnecessary words, jargon, and complex phrases.

Use stronger verbs to avoid adverbs like really and very.

E.g. really good → fantastic

3. Use clear and descriptive headings.

Do this in emails, web copy, blog posts, and social media.

It helps to organize your information in sections...

Which makes everything easier to understand.

Most people skim content, and many only read the headlines.

Make sure they’re able to get the gist of your story without reading everything.

Let them skip from heading to heading and still know what you’re talking about.

Of course, a clear headline should be part of a killer social profile.

...one that will bring you more leads and follows.

👉 See how the experts design and write their social media profiles

Need any help with this?

Hit reply to bounce some ideas off me, and I’ll give you my thoughts.🤖 Robert

P.S. Avoid using idioms in your writing. Their meanings may vary across regions and cultures, and some readers may not understand you.

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🐦 Catch me on Twitter @RobertHacala to read more branding tips.